Thursday, June 30, 2011

mencari sayang~

Dah beberapa hari dok berkira-kira pasal benda ni. Makin pulak tertanya-tanya sebab ada plak terjadi kat depan mata..sebagai seorang wanita, isteri or ibu, sering kita tertanya, sayangkah pasangan kita pada kita? Kenapa persoalan ni boleh timbul ek? Aku rasa sebab RASA kurang kasih sayang la kott..hehe..tapi ada orang berkata, kasih sayang and rasa cinta tu tak payah la nak tunjuk, cukup dengan boleh rasa jek..bagi aku, tak berapa nak setuju la dengan stetmen nih, sebab bagi aku bukan setakat bagi feel aja, lagi cantik kalo kasik show. Unfortunately, tak sume lelaki seromantik itu..tak segan2 nak tunjuk perasaan kasih sayang and cinta (kalo dapat yang ni, hidup sentiasa rasa berbunga2..hehe). Bagi yang tak suka nak show ni, dorang claim dorang sayang tapi kalo dok cakap jek tapi tak nampak pun or ala2 kabur jek kasih sayang and cinta tu, tentu la kaum hawa ni musykil dan ragu2..ye tak?

Persoalan ni tadi berbalik pada satu cerita ni..kisah benar, terjadi dalam kehidupan harian kita. Seorang wanita yang akhirnya jadi keliru dengan hubungannya. Hampir melangkah ke fasa yg seterusnya dalam perhubungan, tup tup..boleh timbul persoalan ni..si dia masih mencari sayang. Erkk! Heloooo..boleh plak ko kata ko baru nak carik sayang? Abis yang selama ni tu perasaan apa? Saja suka-suki? Saja nak berteman? Ishhh..betapa luluhnya perasaan seorang perempuan bila kekasih hati rupanya masih mencari sayang, sedangkan waktu itu si perempuan penuh sarat dgn perasaan cinta dalam hati, perasaan kasih sayang yang membuak-buak dan sedang mencatur kehidupan di masa hadapan..perghhh..lelah! Letih sungguh bila jadi perempuan yang stucked dalam hal cenggini..agak-agak, apa sebabnya ye? Lelaki tu ada pengalaman pahit? Lelaki tu nak main2 aja? Lelaki tu tak bersedia nak buat komitmen? Lelaki tu takut dengan apa yang bakal menanti kat depan? Apa sebenarnya lelaki ni nak?Ishh..senang je lelaki ni, tak sensitif langsung pada hati dan perasaan orang perempuan..


So, macamana? Nak teruskan or just berhenti di tengah jalan? Kalau diteruskan takut nanti lelaki tu tak jumpa sayang yang dicari walau dah dok bagi time..(Ingat macam cari barang kat kedai ke? Or nak kena tukar ganti aweks baru jumpa?) Kalau nak berhenti pulak, dah jauh sangat nak patah balik..aishhh..pening2! Senang aja, jawapan ada pada kita. Tepuk dada tanya selera. Memang kecewa kalau perkataan masih mencari sayang tu keluar dari mulut kekasih hati kita (believed me, I went thru this) tapi tanyalah diri, tabahkah kita nak menghadapinya. Tiada jaminan, cuma ada usaha dan doa je.. Jadi, kat sini la di mana kita la yg kena show kasih sayang tu, sbb lelaki ni tak reti (ke buat2 bodo??) sampai kununnya blom jumpa sayang tu, kita kena la jadi tutor dia. Memang makan hati woo..dia makan dalam baikkk punya, tapi percayalah..usaha tunjukkan kasih sayang dan berdoa byk2 kat Tuhan mintak dibukakan, dilembutkan hatinya serta diwujudkan rasa cinta dlm dirinya..insya Allah,tanpa rasa putus asa, dia akan jumpa sayang yg dicarinya..but this applies to certain men la..kalo dah jenis buaya darat yang bertopeng tu, aku pun tak tau la nak kata apa..buat la loving gile camne pon, dia tetap camtu jugak..korang la yang lagi kenal buah hati korang..hehe.. Well, look at the brighter side, bersedia menerima apa jua consequences dari keputusan yg kita pilih, semua ini adalah ketentuan Tuhan yg menduga ketabahan hati kita sebagai hambaNya..be strong! <3

Sunday, June 26, 2011

..bertambah lagi..

jun datang lagi..dua tiga hari lepas, sedang golek-golek atas katil..tetiba terfikir, eh..tahun ni yg ke berapa ya?aishhhh...ehhhh...huhhh?biar betikkk!!isshhh...salah ni..tk puas hati, amik calculator..ha ah la..betul la..apa dah gile ko nih anne..tkkan campur tolak pon tak tau..heh!!memang betul laa..adessss..bertambah lagik!!

setiap tahun, usia bertambah..cuma tahun ni terasa sangat..ishhh..cam dah tua jekkkk..(hahaha..stetmen tak sedar diri) tapi itulah kenyataan. melihat ke belakang, rasanya terlalu banyak benda yang dah aku lalui..pahit,manis,suka,duka,susah,senang dan macam-macam lagi lah..badan pun dah tak berapa cergas macam dulu..agaknya perlahan-lahan SLE ni makan tuan ler gamaknya..(still bersyukur,still standing!). macam-macam la perubahan yang aku nampak, dari segi fizikal dan mental..fizikalnya, kulit makin tak cantik..ada jek garis-garis halus yang mengintai kat atas dahi ni..rasa macam digaris dengan pembaris lak..hehehe..kulit makin gelap..dah tak berapa nk anjal (dulu mcm papan anjal..!) dah tu kering lak..pokoknya dah tak macam dulu..kalau dari segi mentalnya plak, rasanya sekarang aku ni dah lagi mental..hahaha..iyelah, banyak benar benda yang difikirkan..tapi, looking at the bright side, aku ni makin matang la jadinya (tp childish tu tetap ada,kadang-kadang mengalahkan anak aku plak..) ntah la..sekarang aku ni lebih cool, kurang cepat melenting, kurang jeles (iye ker?) dan lebih sabar. aku rasa sejak aku praktikkan dalam diri aku tentang keredhaan menerima takdir Tuhan, menerapkan keterbukaan hati dan melapangkan jiwa menerima dugaan, aku jadi orang yang kuat semangat menempuh hidup tak kira susah macam mana pun. sebagai manusia, of course kita akan merungut la jugak, tapi semangat nk menempuh halangan tu jadi kental..kiranya aku ni survivor la..keterbukaan hati dan kelapangan jiwa betul-betul memberi kesan pada diri aku, terasa hati lebih bersih dari sebelumnya..yup, it is my wish to have a good heart..at least kalo aku mati suatu hari nanti, aku nak orang sebut, si anne tu baik hati orangnya..hehehe..just like my mother..semua org until now (she passed away 4 years ago) still akan sebut betapa baiknya dia and i believed, Tuhan juga menilai hati kita..

Happy Birthday To Me!!
but for now, dengan bertambahnya usia aku, aku berdoa pada Tuhan agar memberikan aku kesihatan mental dan fizikal yang baik..tanggungjawab aku dah bertambah, dulu cuma MIA, sekarang dah ada KIMY. i have to make sure that i am healthy to take care of my kids. tentang paras rupa, setiap manusia berubah mengikut kehendak biologi, jaga je la setakat yang mampu (klo obses kang udah kena cocok2 botox lak). kesihatan mental yang baik, supaya aku mampu membuat pertimbangan yang wajar (sebab kadang2 aku ni emo skit..hehe) dan agar hati aku terus bersih dari anasir-anasir yang cuba mengotorinya. semalam aku dah pandang ke belakang, menilai pengalaman silam..tapi hari ini..aku memandang ke depan..masih jauh perjalanan, entah apa pulak dugaan yang menanti. apa pun, aku bersyukur dengan rahmatMu Tuhan, mengurniai aku dengan segala macam kebaikan dan kasih sayang..

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

friends forever..

riena mustafa - my primary school best friend
thru our journey of life we meet a lot of people. while others come and go, some stays..thru times, these people has developed a bond, a relationship with one another.this relationship existed when there were feelings involved. i must say, this special relationship is not only between a man and a woman, known world-wide as LOVE, but it's kinda special in it's own way..sometimes just unexplainable but it still exist. the feelings of trust, care, love, secure, you name it, it is almost unconditional in everyway..that's what created the word F.R.I.E.N.D.S

usharani and me..secondary school best friend


looking back at my past, i have met plenty of these people we called friends. some of them were playmates, studymates and only few became my soulmate friends. i am thankful to have met them in my life, with them i grew up to be a friend myself. i learned to be a good friend, in good times and bad times. it is true, sometimes there were bad friends among the lists, but i wud always consider them as my friends. i have too much love to share! ;) (dont bother lah as long as u know how to limit yourself when you are with these backstabbers). friends permit you to tell anything, even for the hundredth times..(mmg dorang letih nk dengar) but still they have the ears for you..ain't that shweet??hehehe..good friends are like your whole body, they have the head, the shoulder, the hands and sometimes the legs..(good to kick some jack-a**) :) no one wud understand when us girls wud be hours on the phone, gossiping and chit chatting when we are about to see one another the next day..hehe..(where can wait lah!nanti ceritanya basi..) i love my girlfriends so much, we share almost everything..when we were much younger, we share tips on make up, musics, nite outing and many more but as we grew older we share tips on bringing up kids, recipes and all sorts of problems..hehehe..so, how cud we be separated?

my secondary school friends


my best friends to die for..raha, eera & ray
until the day i still breathe today, i have my friends, still loyal to our friendship, still standing together even though now we have our own commitments and life to pursue. i love them deary..nothing beats our mutual bond. i wud not trade them for the world because what we have are so special, unique and priceless..i pray and hope that our relationships wud last forever..can u imagine, when we are around 60, and we still go out together to drink coffee and still gossiping?hehehe..i am looking forward to that day, to look back at us when we are younger..i am so proud of my friends, we are still together today even we were only lil'kids who barely knew the real meaning of friendship. this entry is dedicated to my bestest buddies..ur love had helped me to get thru the winding and narrow roads of my life..ur love will always be with me until the day i stop living..AVIU!


julia..my bestest soulmate buddy cum my cuz!
my precious friends - waty & shulin

welcome to the world!

2011 wud be another memorable year for me..despite all the obstacles, i am so proud to be pregnant again with my second baby..and that is after 8 years..everyone is so excited to welcome the baby,and my dotter wud be asking me on daily basis: "when is the baby coming, mama?"(uhhhh..mia tak sabar, mama lagi lah!)

i thought the second pregnancy wud not much differ from the first one, but i talked too soon..this time it was quite hard for me. as an SLE patient, pregnancy cud somehow turned into a disaster..and i have to go thru it..(i'm so sorry baby..). hospital visits was a chaos..too many appointments until i forgot them now and then..blood tests (rasa cam dah nak kering darah dah) was like donating my blood to the vampies..and more diagnostics that made u cringed..(ada ka doktor kata tk pasti side effect obat2 yg diberi?) urghh..but still i believe that i had to do all these to make sure that my baby wud be fine..

my hubby, was always with me (more like my designated driver hehe)..sending me to meet all the appointments..pity him though..and for that, sometimes i tried to be as strong as i cud but sometimes i failed, the baby wud be tumbling in my tummy every minutes..giving me a constant pain. i was scared if i'm gonna have a pre-mature delivery, so i prayed the baby wud stay..at the end of my pregnancy, i was detected with anti RO +, it wud give a risk of congenital heart block to my unborn baby..can u imagine how stressful i am at that point? but, i leave it to the hands of Allah..doctors were making plans to get me warded to be induced for delivery..
day one

unexpectedly, at 37 weeks and 6 days, i had given birth to a beautiful baby boy at 5.10 am on the 11th April, he was 2.6 kilos..the labour was painful (actually dh lupa rasa sakit bersalin..hehe..) but i am thankful it only lasted for 5 hours or so. thanks to my hubby for being by my side thru the labour. sorry sayang, i nearly chewed ur hands off!hahaha..the baby heart beat was a liltle unstable and his blood were thick, so my baby need to be under doctor's observation for 4 days. Alhamdulillah, everything was fine..

welcome lil' boy!
here is our new member of the family, proudly introducing Jasrul Hakimi Jasniza. lots of love..

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

for the first time..

hello there!
pheww!after much alterations and adjustments, i think now i am ready to start my blog. i find it hard to start,need a jump start here..hehe..i cud say that my best fren julia is actually one of the reasons why i wanted to start this blog..i am enjoying her writing.. and of coz, all the mouth watering pictures of food she cooked! find her at http://www.juliasayz.blogspot.com/ and hope i can polish my writing skills too..it's been soooooo long..(am not sure whether i cud still do it - kepala otak dah berkarat).

i am looking forward to fill my blog with various things that come across my daily life. hope one day it will be a great memories for me and everyone who'd share it with me..and to make that a reality, i need unconditional love and support from all of u.. :) (perhaps a spank wud do good!aihh..so lazy ah me!) see u guys soon!