check up!

waiting for my turn..

well, today was another check up day for me..the first after 3 months of the delivery. result came in good..the platelets, the hemoglobin..all making me feel a lil' relieved..this young doctor was kind and trying to answer all my curiosities..

i was asking her a lot..abt my excessive hair falls (i was stunned at the volume of it!). at this rate of hair falls, i think i am going to be bald in no time at all..huhuhu..(hope there's baby hairs to cover it). however, i was glad tht the alopecia was gone, my hair starting to grow over the spots, even it took almost 6 months to cure.

i was telling her abt my joints pain..i cudnt bare the pain to step on my feet in the morning..i am limping almost everyday in the morning..it will subside by the day and by the evening, i wud have this sore feet again..(if only someone wud massage my feet before i go to bed..). that wud be heaven..

i was telling her abt this numbness i hv on my fingers..it's disturbing, especially when i need to drive in the morning..with my baby in the car, i need to be very careful while driving..but i dnt really bother abt that so much..it was occasional..

what really bothers me is i noticed tht i am growing darker by day..eh, apahal la aku ni makin hitam? i am not dark skinned..not before. it does bothers  me a lot, especially when loved one telling me tht i am not as fair as i was before..tht i no longer looked like the chinese girl who passed us by (ouchh!! it hurts!!).

there u go! the doctor took some time to flip over the reports..and i was telling her abt the medication i took..wallah!! then i got the answer..it was because of the hydroxychloroquine..she said it does make the skin a lil'darker but it was one of the best solution to control the SLE. no wonder no wonder..i never took it before, only steroids (prednisolone). i was put on HCQ when i was in my first trimester..tht was when i started to notice the changes..huhuhu..(wht a cruel way to treat lupus!)

with a hoping face (+ wat muka comey skit) i was crossing my fingers, praying tht she cud consider putting me off HCQ but it was the other way round..she was planning to slowly stop my pred and countinue wt HCQ alone..sighhh~ i am going to be bald and black??hohoho..definitely not the kind of girl my hb wud be dreaming of..hehehe..she left me wt no choice at all..adesss..

so, here we go again..being darker than before was not in my wishlist..but seems like i already received the parcel even before christmas..hohoho!! well, i hv to be positive abt this, let it be dark, as long as i am able to see the light of the day..yg penting sihat..hey, i hv responsibilities here! my kiddos need me!(so positive huh?? dlm hati...berdarahhh!!) :) 

the doctors (there's another specialist doctor in the room) were giving me advice tht lifted my spirit a lil'bit..so i guess i hv to take HCQ fr good..she even gave me some mags fr SLE, and was wishing me when i walked out of the room..this was a happy visit for me..thanx docs!!

the confession hall..hehehe..

while waiting fr my medications slip, i was sitting at the bench..i overheard some patients chit-chatting wt each other..they were complaining abt joints pain tht made it impossible fr them to even get up from bed, abt how they hv crippled arm tht forbid them to do housework, abt the rashes on their face and so much more (it's unbearable to hear..). looking at myself, i was truly grateful to God tht i dont hv all tht..joints pain yes, but i cud still walk and do all the chores (still bearable to me), no rashes or whatsoever on my face..hey, i look almost err..normal..hehehe.. but after close observation, yes, they were dark, like me..even the chinese lady looked a bit tanned..aaahhhh..so i am not the only one!

to all SLE patients and to their family members and friends, i wud like to share this with you..taken fm the mag the doctor gave me..i thought it was beautiful, so here goes..

kadang-kadang Tuhan mematahkan semangat kita untuk menyelamatkan rohani kita.

kadang-kadang Tuhan mematahkan hati kita supaya diri kita menjadi satu.

kadang-kadang Tuhan memberi kita kesakitan supaya kita menjadi lebih kuat.

kadang-kadang Tuhan memberi kita kegagalan supaya kita belajar merendah diri.

kadang-kadang Tuhan memberi kita penyakit supaya kita lebih menjaga diri kita.

kadang-kadang Tuhan mengambil semuanya dari kita supaya kita menghargai pemberian Tuhan kepada kita.

buatlah perancangan tapi fahamilah Tuhanlah yang menentukan...

p/s : wish that it will be a fine year for me..i need to be with my babies! <3

* i just read an article in the mag, the side effect of HCQ as an anti-malarial drugs is it cud damage the retina..and the risk cud be minimised by reporting to the dr. abt any blurring of vision and difficulty in focusing...erkkk!! i noticed i am having it few weeks after delivery until now! uh-oh..hope it wont be too late until my next visit!!